a rose by any other name....

I get a lot of questions about why ‘Mary’? why ‘Augustine’. If you hate your name, Mary, feel lucky, because you were almost Heidi, which I liked, but your father didn’t. You could have also been Mary Ruth after both our mothers, but I decided that sounded old and nun-ny. So Mary it was.

Mary has two layers of meaning for me. Mary is your paternal grandmother. Your grandmother is a beautiful soul. I didn’t know her at all until I moved up here right before Sammy was born, but I have come to know her and love her like my own mother. She is very giving. She cares deeply about the world. She puts up with a lot of shit in silence. If I could give her anything, I would give her self-love. I gave you her name, and hope you will have even half of her grace. And I will make sure you always know you are worthy of love.

On the other hand, is there any female name more burdened with meaning in the Western world?!? Mary, you will find as you grow up that this world is not necessarily kind and safe for females. That is a blog for another day, however. Just know that part of that is because of the Christian dichotomy of the whore and the virgin. Both, serendipitously, named Mary. This was forefront in my mind, because of Tori’s song, Marys of the Sea. I was loving that song when you were in my belly. Marys of the Sea is about transcending the division of the whore and the virgin and claiming your whole person. Like I said, I brought you into a beautiful, tragic world that will try to define you. My hope is that you can transcend the socialization that would make you less than you are. Never try to fit into their boxes.

Augustine is not, contrary to the claims of some people, named after St. Augustine, the place in FL that has beautiful beaches that your father and I walked obsessively. Augustine is after August (another name I liked but your father didn’t). August means wise. It also, to me at least, means warm and full like the height of summer when life is plentiful. Augustine also refers back to the Christian theme, from St. Augustine, the person, who was horribly anti-female, although very beautifully religious from what I have read. Can you tell I am obsessed with the Christian beliefs about women? I haven’t resolved this for myself yet so I guess you get to share in my burden, as my daughter.